24Another day has gone, I’m still all alone
How could this be you’re not here with me
You never said goodbye, someone tell me why
Did you have to go and leave my world so cold?
Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone, for I am here with you
Though you’re far away, I am here to stay
But you are not alone, for I am here with you
Though we’re far apart, you’re always in my heart
But you are not alone
(Source: heavensgladyoucame)
Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality
Open your eyes,
Look up to the skies and see,
I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,
Because I’m easy come, easy go,
Little high, little low,
Any way the wind blows doesn’t really matter to
me, to me
Mama,
I just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger
now he’s dead
Mama… life had just begun,
But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away
Mamaaaaa oooh,
Didn’t mean to make you cry,
If I’m not back again this time tomorrow,
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters
Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine, body’s aching all
the time
Goodbye, ev’rybody, I’ve got to go,
Got to leave you all behind and face the truth
Mamaaaaa oooh,
I don’t want to die,
I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all
I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Scaramouche! Scaramouche! Will you do the
Fandango?!
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening
me!
Galileo, Galileo
Galileo, Galileo
Galileo, Figaro - magnifico
I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me
He’s just a poor boy from a poor family,
Spare him his life from this monstrosity!
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go
Bismilah! No, we will not let you go
(Let him go!) Bismilah! We will not let you go
(Let him go!) Bismilah! We will not let you go
(Let me go) Will not let you go
(Let me go)(Never) Never let you go
(Let me go) Never let you go (Let me go) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia, let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me,
for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
So you think you can stop me and spit in my
eye?!?!
So you think you can love me and leave me to
die?!?!
Oh, baby, can’t do this to me, baby,
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta
here!
Nothing really matters, Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters,
Nothing really matters to me…
Anyway the wind blows…
I looked at some pictures,
Snippets of the distant past,
Memories.
I cry.
Good times, bad times,
Through them all,
I silently suffered.
I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason, but that one can deduce purposes and see value in every happening. Forces beyond one’s control can take away everything one possesses except one thing, one’s freedom to choose how one will respond to the situation. Suffering in and of itself is meaningless; we give our suffering meaning by the way in which we respond to it.
There is potential value in everything.
Be grateful. Learn from instances of poor judgment. Always keep an open mind and a compassionate heart. Be compassionate towards yourself.
Breathe.
Find ground.
I literally leaped out of my chair and went screaming around the house with joy a few minutes ago. I’m going to become a Bostonian! I GOT INTO BU!!!
One of the best neuroscience programs in the nation. AHHHH!! So happy. Happy! HAPPY!!
I am declaring independence and growing as a person. I am taking on the responsibility of my life, being accountable for my own actions and choices.
Next week, I begin my part time job as a barista. Stepping down to IOP. My parents are finally starting to believe and trust in me. Moving into my own sublet in a week or two. Going to take an online class as well.
To enable change, it takes more than just a desire to, more than just will power. The reason why bad habits and addictions are so difficult to change is because of momentum. What is needed is a STRONG sense of determination along with tools, opposing forces, to deal with obstacles hindering recovery.
I must hold myself accountable, reach out for support, be transparent and honest with not only myself, but others as well… I must be open to change, I must be the change I wish to see. I must be firm with myself and be mindful of my emotions to distinguish them from how things are in their objective nature. I must be loving and forgiving to myself because love is the most effective enabler of positive growth and true change for the better. I must be compassionate with myself. And I will. I can. I am.
I seek to be content and satisfied with my own standards and disregard others’ expectations of me. I am me and I will do what’s best for myself.
I am happy. I am no longer a victim of depression. I have the power within me to thrive, to love, to cherish all that life has to offer.
Thus begins another chapter of my life. I’ve been ready for recovery for so long and it’s the first time I am able to not only taste it, but actually ‘have it and eat it too.’
